Friday, October 1, 2010

Brave Like a Monkey

Like sands through the hourglass, these are the days of our Runway…Cue orchestral music, swelling crescendo, and fade to workroom. (What? This was an emotional and kind of grown up episode. I gotta class it up in here. Sort of.) Seriously though. There’s some hard hitting info this week. Does that mean I’m sticking snark in the closet this recap? Goodness, no. I’d have nothing to write about. I’m just warning there may be a little sap. A little bit. This is not a writing element I am comfortable with. I don’t sap, wallow or gush. It’s hard. I don’t like it. But come on, it might happen in the upcoming paragraphs and you should brace yourselves.

The cast of characters. A healthy mix of Party of Five, Kids Incorporated and My So Called Life.

On to the workroom!

The designers enter to find tons of fancy shmancy HP-tough-thinga-ma-jigs with lots of baby pictures. A-dorable. Mondo was a matador. Just Michael was a cross dresser. I love the mini baby designers. It reminds me of when the muppets have flashbacks. They’re just so stinkin precious. I now want all the baby designers to burst into song and speak in high falsetto voices. I think it’d make an adorable spin-off.

Mondo would be Gonzo. How much you wanna bet next week he'll wear a red jumper with a yellow chick on the front? I'll put 5 buck on it.

Anywho, the oo’s and ah’s cease as Duke of Masterpiece Theater and Tassel Loafers enters the room with the HP lady. Ah, it’s another sponsor-inspired challenge. Maybe next week they’ll have to design a cocktail dress out of Garnier bottles. But yeah, the challenge. They’re bringing back the “create your own textile” from last season. Which I actually really liked. I’m just hoping in the back of my head that no one pulls an Emilio Sosa and makes his own tacky branded fabric that will go on to win. That made me vom. So anyway, the HP lady painfully gets through her speech to the designers. I don’t know what she said. It hurt to listen. She sounded as if she was in lots of pageants when she was younger. And lost lots of pageants when she was younger. Buugh. Thankfully Dr. Gunn takes the reins and finishes the details. The designers will use something from the childhood/life to inspire their fabric. Alright. I can get behind that. That kind of rules out anyone using their initials in the print, so…Winner. Oh, and TWO DAY challenge. Yes.

The designers get to planning: Valerie’s creating a print reminiscent of blue prints like the ones her dad would bring home from work and let her play with. That’s kind of adorable. I hope she pulls it out this week. Just Michael’s making something to do with an evil eye. Quoi? Like at Mordor? I think his familial life is a topic I shall stay away from…

Gretchen is inspired by a sun bonnet. OK. Nothing says high fashion like a sun bonnet.

"I am Wretchen. I am also known as Femullet."

April’s making a divorce dress. Think it’ll be black? Hrm. I wonder. Tough call. Mondo gets to chatting about his print and I’m thinking he’s gonna be making a coming out dress. And not a Sally Moffet/Meg March coming out dress either (ba dum dump. Ah, literary humor.) But then…Whoa. Mondo tells us he’s been HIV+ for ten years. And he’s been afraid to tell his family. This makes me muy le sad. I want to hug. And the fact that he’s been going through that alone makes me want to cry. Sniffles.

Oh, and Andy’s print is going to be memory bubbles. Christopher’s using his mom’s favorite color and something about San Francisco. Read: Cop out. Come on. Boo. Be more like Mondo.

Little Lord FauntleGunn enters to share that there are some special guests in the building…It’s family day on PR! Tears, mouths agape, pearls clutched…Lots of blubbering happiness. I hate Gretchen less when her poor mother who she never gets to see because she’s taking care of her invalid father walks into the workroom and tears abound. Just Michael cries crazy machine gun tears and scares his child. Most of the designers get their moms, but Christopher got his partner JJ. Oh the adorable man-love.

The Fashion School Marm announces that class is dismissed early and the mothers/children/lovers of the designers and co. skip off into the New York sunset to enjoy the day.

Day Two: It’s Valerie’s birthday. Uh oh. I have the feeling if you announce your birthday on a reality show, you’re gonna get kicked out. Because these shows are a bitch. And want to make you feel bad about yourself on every level possible. Am now quite worried for Val Pal.

Tim comes to visit and check out their wares. April’s up first, and yes the story’s there but the judge’s won’t respect your emotion. Tim knows his shit. He makes her get rid of the crazy fluffy shoulder and makes her dress better. Michael’s feedback was positive. He’s already edited. Tim approves. Christopher wants to make a shell…Because of something to do with the ocean…Tim looks at him funny. Andy has nothing, so Tim can say nothing. Egads. Gretchen made a yoke. That does not sound promising in the world of fashion vernacular. Valerie’s is deemed an 80s ice dancer with a pu pu platter of construction patterns. Yikes. No bueno. Mondo doesn’t give the meaning behind his pattern away, but Timmy loves the print. As dear Papa Gunn goes to leave the workroom he gets all verklempt and teary eyed. He’s so proud. Love so much. Want to squeeze.

Runway day has arrived and Mondo’s rocking the curly pompadour like Lyle Lovette and that kid from Biggest Loser last season for the occasion.

And holy holy shit. Did Andy just say that Michael has grown on him? And someone in the workroom actually said they “loved” Michael C. Brr. Think I just felt a cold front come in from hell. Wow. And with that …

Runway time!

Not Goin Anywhere


I actually like the print. I'd wear that outfit with a cardigan and without the ass apron, but what does that say? I'm wearing a Ross dress right now. This is not high fashion. This show is. Step it up.

Just Michael

Um...Not the biggest fan of mustard piping. It's impossible for that color to not read Ronald McDonald. Overall, I give it an "eh." Safe.


Bored. It's Ivy in aqua. There's nothing special about it. Pretty sure you could find that outfit in any JC Penny near you.

The Close But No Cigar

Well it's black. But at least she's got some white in there this week with her fabric. Despite her design being a little "emo kid drawing his soul" or "Breakfast Club chick with the snow dandruff," it's one of my favorites this week. But dear lord, can I see some color next week? Please. Pretty please? Then maybe they'll let you win again. Sidenote to Nina: Please don't call a print that represents the tearing apart of a family, "charming." Baahhh.

The Should've Been

Oh, he should be embarrassed. It's business casual meets hooker. It's atrocious and he should be escorted from the premises. Your outfit has upset the guest judge. It's sad, disappointing and unwearable. Ew.

The Kiss Today Goodbyes
(Yes, this is from A Chorus Line. Yes, I meant you to read it in your head with a sing-song voice.)


Ok, um. This isn't a losing outfit. So the lining's a little weird. And the top's a little "Kenley Spears" from a few seasons back. And the bottom's a little reminiscent of her party store dress. It's still more interesting than half of the stuff on the runway. And you so can't point the finger at Valerie for referencing a past design when April sends something tight and black down the runway every week. It should have been safe. Christopher should've been in the bottom and Andy should be home where he wants to be. That's it. The end.

Once, Twice, Three Times a Winner
(Again, to be read in a sing-song voice)


Way to go, lil buddy! I will say the pants are far too high. The judges and I both agree on that. Once again, his print combos seem completely wack-a-doo, but again I really like it. And dear Lord, I'm pretty sure Nina Garcia came when the model took off her jacket to reveal the matching lining. And I really didn't want the judges to make him tell them the background to his inspiration. It's his business and he didn't have to share if he wasn't comfortable.

Come the end of judging, Mondo works up the courage to tell his story. And look at his outfit: This is not a manipulation tactic. He doesn't need to say anything to get the win. He's brave and honest and doesn't cry and makes beautiful clothes out of an unfortunate situation. I lurv him. Brave like a monkey, is he.

Tom and Lorenzo had a lovely little Mondo blurb among their fashion cutdowns and witticisms:

We're thrilled that he won and that he had this emotional breakthrough but we're even more thrilled at the idea that tons of little babygays may have watched last night and learned that being honest about oneself is not something to fear and that there is a place in the world where those who are true to themselves - no matter how hard that may be; no matter how much of a price may be paid - are better off than those who suffer in silence. Lately it seems like a gay kid is killing himself every other day. It's not hyperbole at all to suggest that Mondo may actually have saved some lives last night.

Back in the waiting room, the newly auffed Valerie goes around the room and addresses each designer individually about how much she loves and respects them. Good God. Couldn't you just write them a note or something? Was Tim running late? Did the producers ask you to stretch out your goodbye time? It's like sitting in on the sharing circle from the last night of sleep-away-camp. Cut it out.

Tim, the proud papa, enters and while I know his duties are to send Valerie up to the workroom to clean up her space, I know deep down he just wants to swaddle our Mondo and rock him to sleep. You can see it in those dear bedroom eyes of his.

In the words of Jerry Springer, until next time, take care of yourselves and each other. (Gah, that would be such a nice sentiment if it didn't come from Jerry...Just pretend the Dalai Lama said it, ok?)

No comments: