Friday, April 30, 2010

Top 3 Thur--Friday...The Bucket List

Ok, so I'm a little late...But guess who has excuses?? I'm good at those. Busy day at work, moving...Yes. Moving. Found the perfect apartment, available for immediate move in and my Residence Inn check-out date is May 1, so, yeah. Biddy been busy. And apparently I need some conditioning training because my back's already hurting, and I've just moved my clothes. Geez.

But back to the issue at hand, the top 3 bucket list. It's kind of tough because I never really had big goals or aspirations (gah, that's not kind of depressing at all..), especially when it comes to stuff I want to *do*. I don't want to swim the Channel or wrestle down an alligator (we all know I don't dig the wildlife). I don't wanna go sky divin' or Rocky Mountain climbin' or 2.7 seconds on a bull named Fu Man Chu. (To answer your question, I did just channel Tim McGraw. What? You're saying that even though he's a famous movie star-i.e. Four Christmases-he's not relevant? Fine. Touche.)

Anyway, let's get to it.

#3 Be a regular Broadway patron

Holy crap, that'd be awesome. I long to see the best musicals of the year in their natural habitat. The BJCC's extent of Broadway shows stops at Mary Poppins. That's just not gonna cut it. Gimme the bright footlights of the Broad-way, baby. Throw in a ticket to the Tony Awards and I don't think life could get much better. Gah, I would make an awesome gay man.

#2 Be a stay-at-home mom
Maybe not forever--Once they become adolescents and moody, I can go back to work, but I really want to be around for those beginning developing years. To see their little faces discover new things, make things out of play doh with them, play in the kitchen, teach them the lyrics to In the Heights...What? My kids will like showtunes, get used to it. Kids are too cool to miss anything. So I don't want to.

#1 Write a book
I want to befriend David Sedaris, but that's only going to happen if I write a book, become his protege, make him realize my awesomeness, thus ensuring the bonds of a lifelong friendship. Plus, I actually do want to write. My background isn't effed up enough for a memoir, but I don't want to just make things up. I want to be funny. Sad and sappy have no place in my realm of written expression. You want that, go pick yourself up a copy of Chicken Soup for the Soul or Nicholas Sparks. That's not my bag, kid.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

The Newly Employed Biddy's Chronicle

Looks like it's time for a changing of the guard here at the Unemployed Biddy's spot. That's right folks. It's happened. Pending a background check (good thing I paid off my guy to get rid of those outstanding arrest warrants), I will be employed. I'm the newest Media Planner/Buyer for Education Corporation of America, here in Birmingham. I'll be planning the media for (starting with three) of the Virginia College campuses.

At the moment, I am extremely: excited, scared, anxious, relieved and elated.

Am officially moving towards grown-up-hood. I get to finally move out of the Residence Inn (though I'll miss the daily cleaning service), decorate, "live" somewhere and start my adult life. Wow-za.

The start date is still unsure, but I'm hoping it'll happen around May 10th. Oh goodness gracious. Whoa.

Other good things that happened today:

-Fell asleep ridiculously early last night, and woke up thinking it was early-morning-time. Nope, it was 10:30 pm. Love that. (Jim Gaffigan time out: "Don't you love waking up finding you have extra time to sleep? It's like finding a thousand dollars!!")
-Got all green lights on my way home to lunch.
-Combo Memphis Birthday weekend is officially on with official dates and I get to see one of
my favorite girls two times this week.

Ok, now that I've officially annoyed everyone I've seen today, plus all of blogosphere with my excitement...I'm calling it a day. Lurv!

Thursday, April 22, 2010

T3T: Biggest Pet Peeves

As someone who practically double majored in complaining and rationalizations, this week I had very little trouble constructing my Top 3...Surprising, I know. But enough small talk, because incoherent rambling was *this close* to making the list, so let's get to it.

#3 Poor Bathroom Etiquette

I should really devote an entire blog to the dos and don'ts of bathroom law. (Mental note: check.) It's a place devoted to one sole purpose, and we all know what that purpose is. Ok, it's widely known that women travel in packs to the bathroom, but ya know...I don't approve. Public toilets should not be a social watering hole. I hate chatter in the bathroom. I'm busy. Distracted. I can't talk about my weekend plans right now. On top of excessive gabbing, I've got a couple more bathroom gripes to address:

-No flushing. Really? We're grown ups. Did you forget? Assume it was automatic? You know what they say when you assume...It makes an "ass" out of "u" and "m--" Strike that. It just makes an ass out of you. I remember to flush when I'm done.

-Leaving the water running. How does this happen? There has to be some sort of mental process. You tur
n the faucet. You see the water, appear magically as if from no where. Run hands underneath for enough time to be deemed socially acceptable. Think about turning off water. Grab paper towel. Dry off. Still see running water. Throw away paper towel. See water again. Shrug. Leave. So confused!! (Oh, on a separate note, those air dryers in lieu of paper towels can go ahead and take spot #3A in the pet peeve list. Because they are just not cutting it.)

-Not throwing away those paper towels. I think we've got a PT issue in our office building. Our trash can isn't open; there's a nifty flap covering the can so you can't see the mess that awaits inside. You have to push down on the flap to put in your trash. The manufacturers even engraved "Push" on the flap as to eliminate confusion. It's guaranteed that at least once a day I'll make a trip to the bathroom to find wads of paper towels just sitting on top the the flap. Really? That extra push would just require too much effort, huh? Yeah...Bathroom breaks make me le tired too. Geeez.

#2 Making Me Wait

Do you really think that a girl who grew up in a world of instantaneous response isn't predestined to be impatient? I understand the concept that I can't have everything exactly when I want it. I'm impatient, not a five-year-old. What I hate is knowing that I should have an answer, should have a response and not having it. Example? How about having an interview and being told they'd have a decision by the beginning of the week and it's now Thursday and no contact has been made. Yeah. Thursday's not the beginning of the week. The "beginning of the week" ended at 1 pm on Wednesday. And no, I'm not drawing on personal reference at all for that example. Nope. Not a bit. (Subtext: I am. And I'm peeved. And anxious. And that's a sucky combination.) Moving on.

#1 Poor Grammar

Now, I'm not peeved by conversational misuse of words or tenses. There's a buffer. When we speak, a squiggly green line doesn't appear under our words to let us know something has gone awry. In short, there's wiggle room when it comes to speaking, texting and yes, even blogging. What I hate is nationally dispensed poor grammar.

-That's right, I'm talking to you, TBS. Every time I see that "More movies. Less commercials" tagline I want to throw something at my TV. It's "fewer." Fewer commercials. Fewer. I'd think that someone with a job whose sole purpose is to proofread effing TV slogans, would know that. "Less" is used to describe abstract or mass things. (e.g. There seems to be less snark in this post than others.) "Fewer" is used to describe countable things. (e.g. While there have been fewer occurrences of snark, the tone is far more hostile.) You see? You can count commercials. Fewer. Same thing goes for "10 items or less" lines. It's fewer. You count the items. Fewer.

-The Bachelor nearly killed me with the misuse of "I" this year. I know it was a "reality" show, and these people were just talking...No. If you want me to believe that those girls didn't have scripts or cue cards, you might as well want me to believe that there's a unicorn in my office. Guess what, there's not. "I" is not the proper version of "me". "I" is a subject. "Me" is an object. I (the subject) would like all script writers (the object) to take an English 101 course because their raping of the language pains me (the other object) far too much.

-I'm not even going to go into the was/were confusion when it comes to the subjunctive because I think I'm the only one who cares. I'll just say this: I don't wish it was Friday. I wish it *were* Friday.

Until next time...I wish you peace, lurv and peeve avoidance!

Thursday, April 15, 2010

T3T: "I don't wanna cook, let's go out" Edition

As the challenge to declare my top three favorite restaurants arose, I came very close to hiding under my desk to escape the sure-to-be-wicked-hard decision making process. I mean, seriously...Are we talking restaurants for ambiance? For food? For takeout? Because I have answers for all. Hello, conundrum. But ya know what? Hello, solution. This is my blog and I'll answer how I want to. And so, I present to you...

Top 3 Social Gatherings, Takeouts and Ultimate Restaurants. Buckle up, it's gonna be a deliciously bumpy ride.

Top 3 Socializing Hot Spots

#1 El Rincon
There's not much better than being in Tuscaloosa with my favorite people surrounded by Mexican chicken fingers (What? It's totally authentic.) and gallons of margaritas. If grown ups had club houses this would be mine. Just hang a "No boys allowed" sign outside the door and we'd be in business.

#2 City Cafe
Couldn't ask for a better meat and three place out there. Fried chicken breast, okra, creamed corn and macaroni please! Oh, and don't forget a side of "candid" yams. (Surprise!) Oh I love typos. Partner that with a styrofoam silo of sweet tea and I'm a happy (and stuffed) girl.

#3 Taverna Plaka
Opa!!! Not only do you get the best hummus in the world. And ouzo cocktails out the wahzoo. And amazing Greek food. You get a party to boot. Bring in the belly dancers, flying napkins and awkwardly executed but exhaustingly fun kalamatiano and you've got yourself a good time.

Top 3 "I'll take it to go"s
(These may actually be my faves...Know why? All the good food, with the comfort of your pjs. Winner)

#1 Noodle
Whenever I'm in Atlanta with Sister and we make our way down to Midtown for say, a show at the Fox, I long for Noodle. Ok, I long for Noodle a lot more than that, but on those specific instances the longings are even more intense. Get yourself a Thai peanut noodle bowl, tout de suite. It'll change your life.

#2 Bama Smokehouse
Every visit, same order. Chicken bites spicy plate, potato salad, onion rings. Holy crap. It was always a happy day in T-Town when I decided to pick up Smokehouse...Yes, it's in an old gas station and yes, it took me about 15 minutes to get out there but it was always soooo worth it.

#3 Subs n You
Again, a Tuscaloosa fave that I only ever order one thing. Chicken salad sub, no tomato. Hands down, most amazing chicken salad you'll ever have. Know why? Because it's turkey. Little known fact. Good Lord, I could rub my face in this sandwich. Sadly, not kidding.

Top 3 Restaurant Faves

#1 Steel
All-time Atlanta favorite. Just go ahead and bring me an order of crab meat, mango spring rolls and a Mt. Fuji roll (tempura shrimp, avocado, cream cheese and topped with crab. Nom nom nom) and there's no need to speak to me for the rest of the meal. I'm busy. Sister and I do *work* here.

#2 Fellini's

Amazing pizza in Atlanta. I mean, can you go wrong with any place that forgoes table numbers for framed post cards of the Virgin Mary or John Belushi? I think not. One word of advice though: Don't ignore the Sicilian slice, he's a keeper.

#3 Cypress Inn
The good ol' Tuscaloosa stand-by. Such pretty views, steak and rolls and the very best bran muffins and bread pudding you could ever have. I miss them...

Honorable Mentions

#1 Big Bad Wolves
BBQ Nachos. That's all you need to know.

#2 The Varsity
"What'll ya have? What'll ya have??" Um, that'd be a chili dog, onion rings, fried pie and Varsity Orange. If you get anything else, you're doing it wrong. And you can quote me on that.

#3 Edgar's Bakery
Ok, this one was picked solely for its bakery counter. The chicken salad plate is great but, really. The real worth is in the petits fours. What? Did you really expect to read a blog of mine that didn't involve baked goods? Come on now...I expected more from you.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

My Lord, I thought they were kidding...

The Double Down is real. I heard about it forever ago...Two chicken patties as buns, stuffed with bacon and cheese. I thought it was a joke. A ploy. A little bit of brouhaha. Nope. It's officially on the KFC menu as of April 12. It weighs in at 32 grams of fat and 540 calories. Sadly, it's not even the worse choice on the menu. An extra crispy chicken breast and large popcorn chicken are both worse. McDonald's "Big Breakfast" and salad with dressing both boast more fat. That doesn't mean it's not a monstrosity. It is. But that's not what's upsetting me.

KFC thinks this is a sandwich.

Seriously? Calling two pieces of fried chicken a "bun" does not a sandwich make. Yes, the Vortex has a hamburger that uses two grilled cheese sandwiches in lieu of buns, doughnut hamburgers are an actuality (Jim Gaffigan time out: "We're never satisfied when it comes to food. You know what would be good on this burger? A ham sandwich. And instead of a bun let's use two doughnuts. That way we can have it for breakfast. Look out McGriddle here comes the doughnut-ham-hamburger!!" I wonder if he knew he wasn't being factious...), but those "buns" are in fact some sort of bread. Chicken is not bread, no matter how processed it may be.

Oh, the Double Down also comes grilled. You know, for the health conscious out there.

And to top it off, it's already been inducted into the This is Why Your Fat kingdom of gluttony. (Which by the way, is one of the most amazingly disgusting and wonderful sites out there on the good ol' interweb today.)

Bon apetit, everybody. Buh...

An Iddy Biddy Catch Up

*I've been blah blah sick for about a week. It started when the pollen rolled in as a scratchy throat and turned in to congested achy misery. Spent the beautiful weekend with the shades drawn surrounded by Kleenex, chloraseptic spray, Nyquil and hot tea. Still sickly and waking up with red eyes, but thankfully on the mend.

*Had an interview with Education Corporation of America (they own Virginia College and Culinard) as a media buyer or media assistant. Went well, and interview #2 is scheduled for Wednesday. Fingers crossed, people.

*Rescue Me is so freakin awesome. I'm about mid-season 3 now. Seriously, go watch it. There's no excuse not to. Stop reading. Go watch.

*Finally found my go-to Chinese takeout place. Awesome Mongolian beef and cr
ab rangoon and about 90 seconds away from my house; everything a girl could ask for.

*Dixie Carter died. Seriously sad. I love Julia Sugarbaker. Am not a fan of losing Designing Women and Golden Girls.

And that, Marjorie, just so you know, and your children will someday know, is the night the lights went out in Geor-gia!

*On a happier note, Glee is back tonight!! All hail show choir. I've missed you. Winner! Hopefully all will be right with the world and I'll get to watch the glorious return with some of my favorite ladies :)

*Lovely Lacey gave me a Metropolitan Museum of Art calendar for Christmas and I love having it at my desk, but today...Oh today. I've got this staring at me. Literally. It's staring at me and it's starting to creep me out.
Seriously. The eyes follow you. As if it's preparing to attack.

Ok, think that covers all of the imperative info on my life...Off to chug orange juice and crunch on cough drops. Happy Tuesday, everybody!

Thursday, April 8, 2010

T3T: Biggest Fears of a Scaredey Cat

So before I get into what scares the bajeezus out of me, I've got to admit...I've been a bad blogger this week. But I have excuses out the wahzoo.

1. I discovered Rescue Me on Netflix Watch Instant. About 10 days ago. Am 10 minutes away from being done with season 2. (Also have discovered that an episode fits perfectly into my lunch break. A habit both addictive and awesome.)
2. Inhaling a gallon of pollen has made me sound like a man. And made me a wallowing grumpy puss. Blah.
3. All the weekend travels have made me le tired. And all the Easter candy I brought home has made me so uncomfortably full that it hurts to type.
4. Been too busy eating baked goods again to have any real thoughts or insights or funnies to share.

But now on to the weekly countdown!

#3 Guns

I've got a pretty unhealthy fear of guns. They freak me out. The first time I watched Collateral I think I watched the majority behind a pillow. Do you know how many guns they wave around in that movie?? A lot. Gah, they just make me cringe. I don't care if you promise the safety is on. Or if you know it's not loaded. You know what? I bet there's some bullet lodged in there and that a cool breeze knocked the safety off and if your hand is touching it, that's enough to trigger the trigger and have it shoot me. Like I said, unhealthy fear. I don't want a gun in my house. If we're gonna have one at all it'll be a Red Ryder BB Gun. And it'll be on a high shelf. In a lock box. A la Al Gore. Buuuhh. I'm a Nervous Nellie thinkin just about it.

#2 Having a child kidnapped or lost

I really can't wait to be a mom. Ok, I take that back. I *can* wait. If I had a kid right now I don't know what I'd do, but as far as the future goes, I can't wait for mommyhood. However. I've had the biggest fear (and for a really long time, mind you) that I'm going to lose a child. Airports, supermarkets, vacations...I'm so scared that my kid is going to wander away from me and I'll not be able to find him. (And apparently I'm having a boy.) And watching Face on the Milk Carton and reading All Around the Town one too many times as a kid has also made me freak out over kidnapping. That's my kid and someone has taken him. How helpless does that make you feel? Oh m'gah. That's it. My kid's wearing a leash and he's gonna like it.

#1 Animals in natural habitats

I mentioned in my "Got Geese" post that wild animals freak me out. And oh my goodness they do. I have this irrational fear that they are going to attack me because I'm in their home. That's their space and their first instinct is to attack. Of course, the thought of animals in an unnatural habitat freaks me out too. Example: If I were to walk down the hallway in my office to the bathroom and come face to face with, say, an ostrich, I would freeze, scream, probably piddle and run. Run the eff out of the building. And never, never come back. I guess I've made some advances in recent years...I went to a petting zoo over spring break last year. Touched a camel. But ya know what? It was in a pen. And I was with friends that I could push in front of me if it were to attack. Also touched my first horse since Abby McKeller's 5th birthday party with pony rides (circa 1991) about a year ago. Dear Lord they are huge. They could tell I was freaked out. Maybe that's why they were nice and, yes, gave me the cold shoulder, but also didn't eat me. And just to share, this video freaks me the eff out. This bird. This bird, freaks me the eff out. It's so not "the coolest bird". It's the "scare the shit out of Mellie bird." Not kidding, I think I screamed when I saw this over a year ago, and it has haunted me ever since.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Top 3 Thursday: "No, no don't take it away!" Edition

I've got to admit. This one is hard. Crazy, crazy hard. One reason being that I don't *want* to live without a lot of stuff. If I didn't have Q-tips or nail clippers or cup holders, my life would suck. My ears would never be clean; my nails would be atrocious and my thighs would be very cold (or hot, depending on the beverage). So, I've come to the conclusion that I am spoiled and I like it, because otherwise I'd just be a grumpy girl.

So let's get down to business.

Disclaimer. This list is neither conclusive or exhaustive. I lurv all of my stuff and hate to exclude. Please forgive, other awesome stuff.

#3 Nail Polish and all its accessories

I've probably be painting my nails regularly for about a year now. I've got an entire storage container devoted to polish, cotton balls, Q-tips, cuticle scissors and industrial strength polish remover. Now, this may seem kind of frivolous. Seriously, Mellie? You're gonna pick three things you can't live without and one of them is for your nails? Over Kleenex? Or toothpaste? Yes. Because I've discovered I have man hands. And man hands are worse than runny noses and bad breath. No, they don't have hair or callouses, but recently I didn't have time to repaint before work and the whole day my, at best, androgynous hands were just staring blankly up at me. Buhh. So yeah, I'm going with nails.

#2 Baked Goods

Thank goodness Lent is almost over. I gave up the delightfully wonderful baked goods this year and it has been tortuous. I usually don't like to use the "free pass" weekend, but I had to twice this year: Daddy's birthday cake and Rachel's wedding cake. Oh, wait, three times: I had a two-bite brownie with Sister. And you know what? They were the three best things I've eaten these past 40-some-odd days. Oh m'gaaaah. My life would be oh oh so stinkin sad without them. I've actually dreamed about eating cake. Lots of cake. It was lovely. And then I wake up craving cake and guess who can't have any? Grr. Just a few more days...Then Fresh Market, Edgars and Wal-Mart will have to run me out of their bakery section, I won't be able to wear any of my clothes, and I'll become a recluse with cabinets stocked with canned frosting. It will be heaven.

#1 My iPhone

I mean, really. It's only the greatest invention ever. I've got my calling, texting, googling, email checking, facebooking and tweeting all in one place. It just makes me happy. If I get a hankering to watch a Very Potter Musical, YouTube is just a tap away. (Time out. If you're a Harry Potter fan and have yet to watch A Very Potter Musical, you are missing out. It's the best time I've ever spent online, hands down. Here, I'll even get you started in taking in its amazement. Keep an eye out for the sequel debuting this summer. Time in.) In short, my phone rules and life would kind of suck without it. (©Kelly Clarkson)

Woo. Ok, feel like I need a nap or a Gatorade to recover from that one. Rough! But since you're here and I've got your attention, go on over to It's All in the Eye of the Tiger and show my awesome buddy and new blogger Adrienne some love. Happy Thursday, everyone!