T3T: Biggest Fears of a Scaredey Cat

So before I get into what scares the bajeezus out of me, I've got to admit...I've been a bad blogger this week. But I have excuses out the wahzoo.

1. I discovered Rescue Me on Netflix Watch Instant. About 10 days ago. Am 10 minutes away from being done with season 2. (Also have discovered that an episode fits perfectly into my lunch break. A habit both addictive and awesome.)
2. Inhaling a gallon of pollen has made me sound like a man. And made me a wallowing grumpy puss. Blah.
3. All the weekend travels have made me le tired. And all the Easter candy I brought home has made me so uncomfortably full that it hurts to type.
4. Been too busy eating baked goods again to have any real thoughts or insights or funnies to share.

But now on to the weekly countdown!

#3 Guns

I've got a pretty unhealthy fear of guns. They freak me out. The first time I watched Collateral I think I watched the majority behind a pillow. Do you know how many guns they wave around in that movie?? A lot. Gah, they just make me cringe. I don't care if you promise the safety is on. Or if you know it's not loaded. You know what? I bet there's some bullet lodged in there and that a cool breeze knocked the safety off and if your hand is touching it, that's enough to trigger the trigger and have it shoot me. Like I said, unhealthy fear. I don't want a gun in my house. If we're gonna have one at all it'll be a Red Ryder BB Gun. And it'll be on a high shelf. In a lock box. A la Al Gore. Buuuhh. I'm a Nervous Nellie thinkin just about it.

#2 Having a child kidnapped or lost

I really can't wait to be a mom. Ok, I take that back. I *can* wait. If I had a kid right now I don't know what I'd do, but as far as the future goes, I can't wait for mommyhood. However. I've had the biggest fear (and for a really long time, mind you) that I'm going to lose a child. Airports, supermarkets, vacations...I'm so scared that my kid is going to wander away from me and I'll not be able to find him. (And apparently I'm having a boy.) And watching Face on the Milk Carton and reading All Around the Town one too many times as a kid has also made me freak out over kidnapping. That's my kid and someone has taken him. How helpless does that make you feel? Oh m'gah. That's it. My kid's wearing a leash and he's gonna like it.

#1 Animals in natural habitats

I mentioned in my "Got Geese" post that wild animals freak me out. And oh my goodness they do. I have this irrational fear that they are going to attack me because I'm in their home. That's their space and their first instinct is to attack. Of course, the thought of animals in an unnatural habitat freaks me out too. Example: If I were to walk down the hallway in my office to the bathroom and come face to face with, say, an ostrich, I would freeze, scream, probably piddle and run. Run the eff out of the building. And never, never come back. I guess I've made some advances in recent years...I went to a petting zoo over spring break last year. Touched a camel. But ya know what? It was in a pen. And I was with friends that I could push in front of me if it were to attack. Also touched my first horse since Abby McKeller's 5th birthday party with pony rides (circa 1991) about a year ago. Dear Lord they are huge. They could tell I was freaked out. Maybe that's why they were nice and, yes, gave me the cold shoulder, but also didn't eat me. And just to share, this video freaks me the eff out. This bird. This bird, freaks me the eff out. It's so not "the coolest bird". It's the "scare the shit out of Mellie bird." Not kidding, I think I screamed when I saw this over a year ago, and it has haunted me ever since.