Thursday, April 22, 2010

T3T: Biggest Pet Peeves

As someone who practically double majored in complaining and rationalizations, this week I had very little trouble constructing my Top 3...Surprising, I know. But enough small talk, because incoherent rambling was *this close* to making the list, so let's get to it.

#3 Poor Bathroom Etiquette

I should really devote an entire blog to the dos and don'ts of bathroom law. (Mental note: check.) It's a place devoted to one sole purpose, and we all know what that purpose is. Ok, it's widely known that women travel in packs to the bathroom, but ya know...I don't approve. Public toilets should not be a social watering hole. I hate chatter in the bathroom. I'm busy. Distracted. I can't talk about my weekend plans right now. On top of excessive gabbing, I've got a couple more bathroom gripes to address:

-No flushing. Really? We're grown ups. Did you forget? Assume it was automatic? You know what they say when you assume...It makes an "ass" out of "u" and "m--" Strike that. It just makes an ass out of you. I remember to flush when I'm done.

-Leaving the water running. How does this happen? There has to be some sort of mental process. You tur
n the faucet. You see the water, appear magically as if from no where. Run hands underneath for enough time to be deemed socially acceptable. Think about turning off water. Grab paper towel. Dry off. Still see running water. Throw away paper towel. See water again. Shrug. Leave. So confused!! (Oh, on a separate note, those air dryers in lieu of paper towels can go ahead and take spot #3A in the pet peeve list. Because they are just not cutting it.)

-Not throwing away those paper towels. I think we've got a PT issue in our office building. Our trash can isn't open; there's a nifty flap covering the can so you can't see the mess that awaits inside. You have to push down on the flap to put in your trash. The manufacturers even engraved "Push" on the flap as to eliminate confusion. It's guaranteed that at least once a day I'll make a trip to the bathroom to find wads of paper towels just sitting on top the the flap. Really? That extra push would just require too much effort, huh? Yeah...Bathroom breaks make me le tired too. Geeez.

#2 Making Me Wait

Do you really think that a girl who grew up in a world of instantaneous response isn't predestined to be impatient? I understand the concept that I can't have everything exactly when I want it. I'm impatient, not a five-year-old. What I hate is knowing that I should have an answer, should have a response and not having it. Example? How about having an interview and being told they'd have a decision by the beginning of the week and it's now Thursday and no contact has been made. Yeah. Thursday's not the beginning of the week. The "beginning of the week" ended at 1 pm on Wednesday. And no, I'm not drawing on personal reference at all for that example. Nope. Not a bit. (Subtext: I am. And I'm peeved. And anxious. And that's a sucky combination.) Moving on.

#1 Poor Grammar

Now, I'm not peeved by conversational misuse of words or tenses. There's a buffer. When we speak, a squiggly green line doesn't appear under our words to let us know something has gone awry. In short, there's wiggle room when it comes to speaking, texting and yes, even blogging. What I hate is nationally dispensed poor grammar.

-That's right, I'm talking to you, TBS. Every time I see that "More movies. Less commercials" tagline I want to throw something at my TV. It's "fewer." Fewer commercials. Fewer. I'd think that someone with a job whose sole purpose is to proofread effing TV slogans, would know that. "Less" is used to describe abstract or mass things. (e.g. There seems to be less snark in this post than others.) "Fewer" is used to describe countable things. (e.g. While there have been fewer occurrences of snark, the tone is far more hostile.) You see? You can count commercials. Fewer. Same thing goes for "10 items or less" lines. It's fewer. You count the items. Fewer.

-The Bachelor nearly killed me with the misuse of "I" this year. I know it was a "reality" show, and these people were just talking...No. If you want me to believe that those girls didn't have scripts or cue cards, you might as well want me to believe that there's a unicorn in my office. Guess what, there's not. "I" is not the proper version of "me". "I" is a subject. "Me" is an object. I (the subject) would like all script writers (the object) to take an English 101 course because their raping of the language pains me (the other object) far too much.

-I'm not even going to go into the was/were confusion when it comes to the subjunctive because I think I'm the only one who cares. I'll just say this: I don't wish it was Friday. I wish it *were* Friday.

Until next time...I wish you peace, lurv and peeve avoidance!


Lacey said...

hahaha I HATE poor bathroom etiquette!! Ugh people turn into children in public restrooms- I swear I don't understand it! It's not that hard!

Keri said...

Umm, your top pet peeve is incredibly similar to mine! Bathroom etiquette is pretty good, too! Love these. They made me laugh!

Adrienne said...

Love this...giggled big time about your grammar lesson!! More snark, please!!