Well, welcome back for another magical week, er, no. Another illustriously talented, hmpf, nope. An episode chock full of colorful characters and unprecedented skill and taste...Nuh uh. Oh whatevs, welcome back to another week at Project Runway where they make glorified sweat suits for Heidi.
Yup. This week Heidi's the client because Project Runway no long has any favors left in their arsenal and are forced to turn to their "Not Even a Victoria's Secret Angel Anymore, So Really What Say Does She Have In Fashion?" host. Ohh--oh, she's about to answer my own question. She has a New Balance line now. Pardon? I'm pretty sure this woman has never even worn a pair of tennis shoes, so I'm quite confused how the good folks over at New Balance even got her number. Anyway, the point is that the six minions left will design a look for her collection that will be sold on Amazon.com. To give them a better understanding of her "aesthetic," *coughbullshitcough* she's bringing out their models to show off her blood, sweat and elastic waists.
This is a travesty. We are two cuts away from the finals. And they're about to design a velour track suit for a challenge? Am completely appalled. *This* is where terms like 'avant garde' and 'couture' should be popping up. *Not* 'drawstring' and 'fleece.' If this right here is high fashion, then my sock drawer is a Mecca of runway readiness. I'm even agreeing with Wretchen (I know, the pearls are clutched), that her line is retail and basic and obviously not meant to be exercised in. Oooo G just fashion bitch slapped Heidi. Anyway, I wanna punch this challenge in the tooth.
Ah, but we've only just begun. Heidi gives them giant bolts of grey crap, so the trip to Mood is really just for buttons and butt zippers. And there's no Swatch. Officially wearing cranky pants. Duke of Earl Grey and Pinkies Up enters the workroom to check on his dear little foundlings, but. He's not alone. Enter Heidi. Now a few short weeks ago we had Sir Michael Kors in the workroom and it was Heaven. Will today produce the same results? Eff no. She's abrasive and trying on clothes and being a first class snotty pants. Maybe Mondo just hasn't put in a zipper yet, Heidi. Uncle Tim. Reel. Her. In. So yeah, Herr Heidi's visit derailed dear funny like a monkey Mondo and set him back to weird introverted Episode One Mondo. All in all, she made people gape at her commentary, throw fabric and was a capital C U Next Tuesday.
Work, work, commercial break, work...And Lord Gunn is back. There's more to this challenge. Of course there is. Everyone's pretty much done with their sacks of grey "active wear." They have to add two more pieces to their "collection," but they won't have to work on their own. TG introduces the help (aka the people who hate Michael C). Poor Just Michael is pissed that the C is back on the end of his name, and would rather have the mothers back to help with this challenge. And with the exception of Casanooooova, so would I. You can imagine my joy to see Miss Soap Palate herself back in the room.
Anywho, Mondo picks Val Pal; Gretchen's with Casanoooova; April and Peaches are reunited; Andy's with Michael D (who's already taking "Must Dumb Down Shit for Michael D" Ivy pills.); Michael C picks the lesser of two evils with AJ, and Christopher ends up with Ivy (Which is oh-so-tragic. The past few weeks he's been channeling Ivy with his dishwater designs and having the actual her on his team is so not gonna help the situation.)
Randomly and mid-sew Ivy starts pointing that crooked bony finger of hers at Just Michael calling him a cheater, cheater pumpkin eater for "taping" his model into her Jackie O dress. Oh good Lord. Just spit up in my mouth a little bit. After Just Michael asks her how it feels to be eliminated for a crappy design, Ivy leaves the sew room, tells everyone she can find that she made MC cry and then got a needle to the eye ball. Ivy, Karma. Karma, Ivy. Now that introductions are complete, we await the Gunn's imminent arrival.
And it's Runway Day. Mondo came dressed as Kate Gosselin.
Gretchen came as a tranny Heidi. (The kind with mountains and lame Clara, not the one with short skirts and Seal.)
Let's just skip over the fact that Krazy Klum forgot her makeup today (Maybe Gretchen should have shared...) and get right to the runway, shall we? We shall.
The Not Good Enough for New Balance
Oh it's all just so tacky and dated. Pretty sure that computer chick from Weird Science would wear every single one of those outfits. Once again, Gretchen can't fathom why she's in the bottom. I swear, if the judges aren't motorboating her, there's just nothing that can please her. Bugghhh.
Ok, so um. I love pumpkin-spice everything. But not so crazy about it in MC Hammer pant form. I can't complain about a giant cardigan hoodie, but that belt with the terry cloth dress is indeed wack-a-doo. But this was in the bottom because the other MC strayed from Heidi's vast color palate of grey and greyer.
Ah, I actually like. The headbands are wack-tastic but cute, and they make these spruced up pajamas look like a collection. I think I would've let Mondacious Mondo win four in a row...
K-Mart clearance bin. Nothing more; nothing less. Just sad, paltry excuses for clothes.
The Grungeon Master
I mean. It's all right. It's channeling a zebra. Or an exoskeleton. And is ginormous. Andy claims to have loved this challenge because he loves being comfortable. Really? Mr. Slip of a Tank Top likes to be comfortable? I never would have guessed. Whatevs. Guess it would have been too embarrassing to hand Mondo over his fourth win in a row. He can start the streak again next week.
So I'm afraid we have to say goodbye to our hot hottie Christopher.
Hate to see you go, but we love to watch you leave.