There's Power in the Velvet

I should have known that Project Runway was going to be an epic fail this week because it broke my DirecTV. Ok, ok, the crummy satellite reception and overall darkened soul of the company in general probably did it, leaving me cable and DRV-less until Monday. (Thank God for the complete second and third season of Mad Men…), but I like to think the trio of bad decision makers and puppy kickers had something to do with it too.


So because of my general annoyance and disappointment, I’m keeping it brief. Let’s get to it.

Tim’s at home visit begins with him not knock, knock, knocking on Andy’s door, which I found surprising. Come to find there was no door to knock, knock, knock on.


We find that Lord of I Prefer Land Mammals has a fear of catfish and Andy has nothing sewn yet. Yikes. Hope those textiles all the way from Laos are worth it.



Michael has tons and tons o outfits. TG thinks he needs to focus, focus, focus and stop designing. Just Michael’s boyfriend fills us in on how craptastic JM’s parents are. Poor lil fella.

Mondo’s house is very Mondo. Colorful and delightfully wackadoo. His collection is Mexican circus meets Dia de los Muertos. He’s so gonna win and everybody knows it, including the proud Papa Gunn.

And then there’s Gretchen. Yes, with a “G,” not a “W.” I actually don’t hate her as much this week. I mean…her life is kind of crumbly. No more relationship, money or house. Bless it. And dear dear Gunny Bear opens up about his disastrous failed relationship that resulted in his moving to New York and becoming the Baron Von Awesome that he is today. I swear that man is chocolate dipped and filled with caramel. Love.

The designers reunite in New York at the “brought to you by Hilton” suite, and the velvet bag makes its valiant return. Ah, but it’s not holding a gremlin of a surprise this week. All the contestants get a trip for two to a Hilton resort. There is much rejoicing and Gretchen wonders how much she can get for it on eBay.


The challenge: Present three looks to the judges, one of which you have to make right now. Go.

Runway day arrives, Gretchen, once again, dresses head to toe in pumpkin flavored crushed velvet. I believe this textile to be the secret of her powers. And the Trail of Tears commences:

Mondo

The clear and obvious winner of the season. I could do without the Pebbles Flintstone-Snookie bumps, but overall...He's Mondolicious. And destined for funny-like-a-monkey greatness.

Gretchen

Michael Jackson takes a Caribbean vacation.

It's working girl Melanie Griffith before she raids Sigourney Weaver's closet. Tell me it's not.

Meh. Crunchy granola jumper. I'd probably wear it with a cardigan.

Andy

Those nimble and swift Laotian fingers may pleat like a mad man, but I don't like it. Color's atrocious. The skirt's a throw away. Whatevs.

Ew.

It's a fancy, silver, day romper. That's a combo that makes no sense and annoys me.

Just Michael

Love this look. Haven't seen JM do pants since his resort wear jumpsuit, and these are a vast improvement. Adore the top.

Mondo and Gretch were the first to receive their tickets to fashion week, and for some reason this little moment made me choke up a little.

Mondo: Good.

Little, petite and packed full of punch. Just like our dear one.

In the end, it was Andy's name called, not Just Michael's. And the heart breaking began. He went from Blair Witch Project...

To full on Terms of Endearment, machine gun tears.

He really doesn't want to have sex with a woman again.

Pretty sure these tears were brought on by the close vicinity of that outfit.

Finally Pappy Tim came in to rock and swaddle little Just Michael to a slow, soft whimper.

He bogarts the tissues and makes his exit.

Just Michael's a precious little thing that should be going to fashion week. I saw all of the collections when they were released months ago, and his was always one of my top faves. He'll find a way to tell his family and if his mom tries to get him to give up fashion and marry another girl, Tim Gunn will come down and kick some ass.

Next week: Mondo wins.