Thursday, February 11, 2010

Table for one, please.

Yesterday the time came. I was down to cereal and pasta sides, both of which need milk that I don’t have, so on to Wal-Mart I had to go. (Not that I don’t like shopping. Or Wal-Mart. I heart both. But working makes me le tired…) Anyway, I’m not going to bore you with my list of boca burgers, Uncle Ben’s and powdered drink mix (Oh wait. I just did. My bad), but of my moment of realization and acceptance. I am the ultimately single girl shopper, and I like it. It all happened on the frozen food aisle when I was stocking up on veggies (I’m a single, sleepy biddy with an unstable job future and no dental insurance. I at least need to eat healthy, right? [Says the girl who likes to use her perfect brownie pan…and not share. But that’s for another more gluttonous blog]), when found Green Giant Just for One Veggies. Holy mother of all that is good and convenient, why yes, I’d love to use your handy steamer tray and fix a lovely portion of broccoli and cheese just for me. And you’ll keep the rest individually wrapped until I want it again? Well, danke!

Now, I’m bringing this up because I remember when “just for one”/individually wrapped/”bah ha, you have no one. Enjoy the taste of loneliness” products came out, I hated them. I thought they were depressing and would even give my shopping cart a complex. But the mindset has completely changed. Now I think, “Oo. I won’t have leftovers that I’ll forget about in the back of the fridge,” and “My Sam’s Club bag of broccoli doesn’t come with cheese sauce and a nifty tray!” I understand there are still disadvantages. Yes, the family-size lasagna costs about $6 and feeds eight and I can only buy two lean cuisines for that, but imagine the savings on Tupperware! And the fact that I’m not supporting all those stinking kids eating my lasagna.

This is the time to be selfish, yes? Some may say that it sounds like I don't have room for anyone else in my life or my cupboards (which, come on, is kinda true), but I'm of the mindset that someday I’m going to have stinking kids, and I’m pretty sure they won’t be able to fend for themselves while I’m perched on the counter eating my Thai garden boca burger. I'll actually have to cook a meal and serve it on plates. Now I get to nuke my Lipton's Pasta Sides in Tupperware, eat it straight out of the bowl and if I happen to have leftovers, pop on the lid and into the fridge it goes. Don't think my future family will appreciate eating out of the same giant bowl. As if it were a trough. For animals.

So fellow singles, embrace the just for ones while you still can. Someday we’re going to be up to our ears in price club purchases and family size potato au gratin, longing for the days of Lean Cuisine and single-serve Uncle Bens.

Viva la vie célibataire!

(Oh goodness. I can’t decide of the word for “single” in French reminds me more of “celebrate” or “celibate”… Let’s go with celebrate!)


Maegan said...

Girl, I live off that single portion stuff! With Alex not being here to cook, I rarely cook for myself just because I get bored with the leftovers before I can finish them. Benefits: portion control (which leads to weight loss for me!) and no leftovers! :)

Mellie said...

Hooray, no leftovers! Our work here is done :) It's like we're C-list superheroes. Just call us, "Single Microwave Girl" and "Long Distance Frozen Dinner Girlfriend"