Hide yo kids; hide yo wives because they givin' Project Runway titles to errbody up in here.
Do I really have to say anything else?
Ok I will because I can.
Let's face it; this wasn't the most *anything* season. Not the most talented, dramatic, scandalous, entertaining. Might've had the most sob stories. And the most hair product. And the most mouth-breathers (Oliviiiiier counts for, like, 8 all on his own), but those aren't "mosts" that you really want to brag about.
The Final Four was bullshit from the very beginning. Anya didn't deserve to be in it, but for some reason...Could it be her charm, good looks, crazy mohawk and sex tape? Perhaps...She made it. And the judges knew how much help she would need to actually win this thing like they intended so instead of enforcing the traditional "Make one more look for your collection--GO!" challenge, they all get $500 and free range to do whatever the fuck they want. Giving Anya ample time to make some flowing, plunging, deep V caftans. Were some of them pretty? Sure. Could they all have been stitched together with pure gumption and hot glue? Yah. (By the way, please tell me everybody else got as big a giggle from her makeup consultation as I did. "The judges told me they look old. So I want them to look...younger." Brilliant adjustments, Anya. Just brilliant.)
Care for a closer look? The fabulous unborn fawns, Tom and Lorenzo, posted all of the decoy collections when they were released a few months ago (and I realized just how sad the finale show would be, and thus lost enthusiasm. Woops.) so let's take a look. And yeah...I link because I laze. But we're all cool with that, right?
Anya's Collection (Sidenote, aren't those polyester wigs of AR just so so sad?)
Viktor's Collection (Sadly, looking back it's pretty obvious Laura should have been in the finale. Despite her Aqua-worthy Barbie Girl ways...Hers had a lot of punch, man.)
Josh and Kimberly's Collections
It's crazy obvious that Anya's Breezy McBreeze collection has about 1/36 of the work put into it. There are more stitches in Josh's green lace up bike shorts than her entire collection.
Honestly, this was Viktor's for the taking, but he lost it in the endgame. Too much editing. Too much rethinking. Way too much sheer and high cut panties. If he'd stuck with his original prints, he'd be on his way to a (come on probably way) less successful Christian Siriano route. (I'm sorry but "Oh my Lord of the Rings" doesn't hold a candle to "Fierce." in terms of catchphrases. M'bad, V.)
All in all, I didn't see a winning collection. I did like pieces of each if that counts for anything. (Which of course it doesn't.)
So there it is: The winning 10 look collection of this season's Project Runway. The designer: Anvikoshuberly. Awesome.
Final thoughts: Do I Gretchen-hate Anya? No. Should she have won? No. Should Viktor have pulled on his big boy shorts and stuck with his original vision. Hells yes. Should Project Runway have a nice, long think about who they are and what they want in the show? (Designers or sob stories and sex-tape girls?) Yes.
And that's that. Somebody please hire broke Joshie-Poo to design things out of plastic and neoprene. He'll scare the shit out of your manual labor and clean up those dirty mouths and loose threads, for HE WILL NOT HAVE either of those.
Until next season...