Yes this post is horridly late. Excuse? None. Just le tired. And distracted by pirates (more on that another day). And Oliver Bumble Bumble No Boobs Bumbleson totally irked me the wrong way. But more on Horse Hair later.
It was the real women challenge, y'all! Which started with a fake out "Real Men" challenge. Oh they were so scared. This gang of misfits doesn't know how to sew for a crotch. With junk. And poor Anya would have tried to stick her man in a silk sarong (Forshadowiiiiiing for next week [aka this week. Oh semantics.]. Man that'd be sweet.) Obviously the most lady shaped (in terms of leanness, not man boobs) were cherry picked first, and the kids come to find they'll actually be designing for the wives or girlfriends of the misters.
What came next? Boobs. Boobs everywhere. Did you know women have boobs? And that Oliviiiiier hates boobs? And clients. And would ideally design for boobless feral cats. And then there were more boobs. And the men that loved boobs. Because they're men. Men who like women. Women who have boobs. One dress form motorboat later and I've officially stopped paying attention. Who knew the Project Runway Workroom could turn into a frat house so quickly?
Oh, Laura's also turned back into More Money Than God Barbie with the emergence of her "I wish I were More Money Than God Barbie..." Client. And Bryce is dying pink things pinker. And missing his boyfriend. And crying. And getting screen time. And obviously going home... And Ryan Reynold's sassy cousin Josh is desperately wanting to have a glitter explosion all over his dress. But is determined to follow the ways of the Sequin Kama Sutra and withhold.
And enough foreplay. Let's just get on down to the nitty gritty, shall we?
The Boob Wranglin' Mediocre
Oliver
Ok. Here's my beef. Squinty Pants acted like one of Cruella Deville's kicked spotted puppies when he had to actually design an outfit for a woman with her own set of pups. And throughout the consultation his glazed-over expression portrayed him as someone from a vague non-English speaking European nation, and not OHIO. Motherfucker, don't act like you have a language barrier. Your ass is Midwestern. Don't play. And then he made this outfit.
Um. How has no one said anything yet.
It's a more poorly made Kimberly-for-Nina knock off. The top's not sparkled and it's apparently designed for a woman's who's nursing...But tell me that's not the same outfit. Tell me. Send Raggedy Androis home.
Kimberly
Again, I wish Kimberly had gotten a little shout out or soemthing for this one. She doesn't necessarily need to be in the top, but Heidi could at least give a "Work that shit!" catcall as the girl walks off, right?
LK
Tinkerbell made a bridesmaid dress.
Cocks of the Wok
Anya?
I am so not on this train. And I love the prints. (As in, prints in general. Not this strange African moo cow print.) But there's just too much. All the fringe and the one sleeve. And the ugly. Just...No.
Viktor
Absolutely effing adorable. I need this in my closet. And if this is over-accessorized, I'd hate for MK to run into me come winter when I've got a bag, sunglasses, necklace AND a scarf on. Throw in a hat, and he may just pummel my ass.
Winner of the Golden Bedazzler
Joshua
Way to go, buddy! He was damn near charming this episode (thank the good, waxed lord), and he showed restraint. The man who in not-long-ago time decorated shoes with dog toys, produced this. An adorable, perfect, little black dress. You go, Glen Coco!
The Wah-wah-waaaaaahs
Anthony Ryan
Get this boy some birdseed; he needs to be inspired! I will say I thought this was kind of adorable. Is it slightly reminiscent of a Cheerios uniform? Perhaps. But I love kitsch and I love Glee, so I'd totally wear this dress.
Bert
His new name shall be, Buh-ert. Shiny, short and decolletaged (that's nice speak for "Tits McGee's dress"). No likey.
The Shunned
Bryce
Bless him. From where this dress started, he knocked it out of the ball park (Did you see the first draft? A pink re-working of his sad Nina dress. He came a long way, baby.) The pink worked, loved the big pockets (But they should never be used as feed bags, dear.), but the fit was off and was over-worked. He tried real hard though... So farewell, Mr. Rumbold. Go with Gaga.
It was the real women challenge, y'all! Which started with a fake out "Real Men" challenge. Oh they were so scared. This gang of misfits doesn't know how to sew for a crotch. With junk. And poor Anya would have tried to stick her man in a silk sarong (Forshadowiiiiiing for next week [aka this week. Oh semantics.]. Man that'd be sweet.) Obviously the most lady shaped (in terms of leanness, not man boobs) were cherry picked first, and the kids come to find they'll actually be designing for the wives or girlfriends of the misters.
What came next? Boobs. Boobs everywhere. Did you know women have boobs? And that Oliviiiiier hates boobs? And clients. And would ideally design for boobless feral cats. And then there were more boobs. And the men that loved boobs. Because they're men. Men who like women. Women who have boobs. One dress form motorboat later and I've officially stopped paying attention. Who knew the Project Runway Workroom could turn into a frat house so quickly?
Oh, Laura's also turned back into More Money Than God Barbie with the emergence of her "I wish I were More Money Than God Barbie..." Client. And Bryce is dying pink things pinker. And missing his boyfriend. And crying. And getting screen time. And obviously going home... And Ryan Reynold's sassy cousin Josh is desperately wanting to have a glitter explosion all over his dress. But is determined to follow the ways of the Sequin Kama Sutra and withhold.
And enough foreplay. Let's just get on down to the nitty gritty, shall we?
The Boob Wranglin' Mediocre
Oliver
Ok. Here's my beef. Squinty Pants acted like one of Cruella Deville's kicked spotted puppies when he had to actually design an outfit for a woman with her own set of pups. And throughout the consultation his glazed-over expression portrayed him as someone from a vague non-English speaking European nation, and not OHIO. Motherfucker, don't act like you have a language barrier. Your ass is Midwestern. Don't play. And then he made this outfit.
Um. How has no one said anything yet.
It's a more poorly made Kimberly-for-Nina knock off. The top's not sparkled and it's apparently designed for a woman's who's nursing...But tell me that's not the same outfit. Tell me. Send Raggedy Androis home.
Kimberly
Again, I wish Kimberly had gotten a little shout out or soemthing for this one. She doesn't necessarily need to be in the top, but Heidi could at least give a "Work that shit!" catcall as the girl walks off, right?
LK
Tinkerbell made a bridesmaid dress.
Cocks of the Wok
Anya?
I am so not on this train. And I love the prints. (As in, prints in general. Not this strange African moo cow print.) But there's just too much. All the fringe and the one sleeve. And the ugly. Just...No.
Viktor
Absolutely effing adorable. I need this in my closet. And if this is over-accessorized, I'd hate for MK to run into me come winter when I've got a bag, sunglasses, necklace AND a scarf on. Throw in a hat, and he may just pummel my ass.
Winner of the Golden Bedazzler
Joshua
Way to go, buddy! He was damn near charming this episode (thank the good, waxed lord), and he showed restraint. The man who in not-long-ago time decorated shoes with dog toys, produced this. An adorable, perfect, little black dress. You go, Glen Coco!
The Wah-wah-waaaaaahs
Anthony Ryan
Get this boy some birdseed; he needs to be inspired! I will say I thought this was kind of adorable. Is it slightly reminiscent of a Cheerios uniform? Perhaps. But I love kitsch and I love Glee, so I'd totally wear this dress.
Bert
His new name shall be, Buh-ert. Shiny, short and decolletaged (that's nice speak for "Tits McGee's dress"). No likey.
The Shunned
Bryce
Bless him. From where this dress started, he knocked it out of the ball park (Did you see the first draft? A pink re-working of his sad Nina dress. He came a long way, baby.) The pink worked, loved the big pockets (But they should never be used as feed bags, dear.), but the fit was off and was over-worked. He tried real hard though... So farewell, Mr. Rumbold. Go with Gaga.
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