Friday, January 8, 2010

What? This post is irrelevent now? Eh.

We heart Christmas movies. It’s what the family does. Some vacation. Some make ornaments out of popcorn and clothes pins. We watch movies. So this year I decided to share the love and do a Christmas Movie Quote Countdown on Facebook. I don’t know if all my “friends” took joy or found it ridiculously annoying but I loved! And now I shall share them here for posterity’s (And Christmas spirit’s…Bah ha cheese) sake. Enjoy :)

#25: Only I didn't say "Fudge." I said THE word, the big one, the queen-mother of dirty words, the "F-dash-dash-dash" word! –A Christmas Story

#24: “Scott, what was the last thing you and Charlie did, before you went to bed Christmas Eve?” “We shared a bowl of sugar, did some shots of brown liquor, played with my shot guns, field-dressed a cat, looked for women...” –The Santa Clause

#23: Now I have a machine gun. Ho ho ho. –Die Hard

#22: You sit on a throne of lies! You smell like beef and cheese, you don't smell like Santa. –El

#21: Hey. If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, an...d I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell himwhat a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, fore-fleshing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is. Hallelujah. Holy shit. Where's the Tyl...enol? –Christmas Vacation

#20: (opening his tampered advent calendar…) “Candy corn?” “Well they all can't be winners!” –Bad Santa

#19: “Look, Daddy. Teacher says, every time a bell rings an angel gets his wings.” “That's right, that's right—Attaboy, Clarence.” –It’s a Wonderful Life

#18: Well, happy birthday Jesus. Sorry your party’s so lame. –The Office

#17: “Why the hell did you take your shoes off?” “Why the hell are you dressed like a chicken?” –Home Alone

#16: “Loitering around the jewelry section, I see!” “No. I was just looking around.” “Don't worry, my expectations are not that high after 13 years of Mr. "Oh-but-you-always-LOVED-scarves"!” –Love Actually

#15: “And, lo, the Angel of the Lord came upon them...” “Shazaaammmm!!!” –The Best Christmas Pageant Ever

#14: First we'll make snow angels for a two hours, then we'll go ice skating, then we'll eat a whole roll of Tollhouse cookie dough as fast as we can, and then…we'll snuggle. –Elf

#13: Faith is believing when common sense tells you not to. Don't you see? It's not just Kris that's on trial, it's everything he stands for. It's kindness and joy and love and all the other intangibles. –Miracle on 34th Street

#12: Now look, Hallie, you can ask for toys, parakeets, hair care products, I don't care. But you may not ask for anything to do with interpersonal relationships! Got it? This is Santa Claus, not Dear Abby. –All I Want for Christmas

#11: Every time Catherine would turn on the microwave, I'd piss my pants and forget who I was for about half an hour. –Christmas Vacation

#10: Merry Christmas, movie house! Merry Christmas, Emporium! Merry Christmas, you wonderful old Building and Loan! –It’s a Wonderful Life

#9: Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night! When I get home, I'm getting a CAT scan! –The Santa Clause

#8: He puzzled and puzzled til his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before! Maybe Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store. Maybe Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more! –How the Grinch Stole Christmas

#7: Phoebe: What happens to the old Christmas trees? Joey: They go into the chipper. Phoebe: Why do I get the feeling that's not as happy as it sounds? –Friends

#6: Charlie Brown, you're the only person I know who can take a wonderful season like Christmas and turn it into a problem. Maybe Lucy's right. Of all the Charlie Browns in the world, you're the Charlie Browniest. –A Charlie Brown Christmas

#5: When you've got a hit like we have, Patch, the people don't wanna wait a whole year, they're dying for a sequel! A sequel. That's it. We'll bring it out on March 25, and we'll call it... Christmas 2! –Santa Claus The Movie

#4: If you look for it, I've got a sneaking suspicion…love actually is all around. –Love Actually, so…God bless us, everyone. –A Christmas Carol

#3: A toast to my big brother George: The richest man in town. –It’s a Wonderful Life


#1: I can’t put my arms down!! / I triple dog dare ya! / Be sure to drink your Ovaltine. Ovaltine? A crummy commercial? Son of a bitch. / Fra-gee-lay. That must be Italian. / He looks like a deranged Easter bunny—He does not—He does too, he looks like a pink nightmare. /... Sons of bitches! Bumpuses!!! –A Christmas Story.

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