Monday, April 18, 2011

The Big 101

Know why I haven’t blogged in a while? Because after my last post I realized that the next (yes this one you’re reading right now), will be the big 101. Now—I know—that doesn’t sound impressive based on the fact that the biddy blog’s over a year old. 101 posts in a year and a half? Way to go Slacker McSlack. But coming from someone with a staunch fear of commitment, I say that’s still a winner.

So there’s been this sense of pressure. What would my 101st post be about? I don’t want to waste it on Glee screenshots (even though they’re awesome) or the cat’s new habit of waking me every morning 15 minutes before my alarm is set to go off (even though it’s heinous). It should be big. With the slightest twinge of epic and whimsy. I’ve seen 101 in 1001 posts (101 goals in 1001 days), but I’m not one for goals or resolutions. Again, the commitment thing. So how about this? On my 101st post, this is my list of 101 things I want. From short to long term. Substantial to paltry. And everything in between.

1. To run a 5k

2. To run a half-marathon

3. To say “run a marathon” is far too predictable. Instead I’d rather find the best bloody Mary in Birmingham

4. Might as well find the best brunch while I’m at it

5. A mini TARDIS for my desk

6. And a mini David Tennant to go with it

7. To fall in love without Eharmony

8. To buy a record player and start collecting vinyls

9. To make a domino-topped end table

10. For Justin Bieber and Rebecca Black to get married

11. For the Biebers to be exiled to Botswana with zero access to YouTube. And sterilized.

12. Take a Broadway pilgrimage to New York

13. To keep fresh flowers at the office

14. For tight baseball pants to make their way back to the major league. These loose and sloppy pajama bottoms aren’t cutting it. Embrace the inherently, God-gifted great asses you were given

15. Have a recipe I’m known for and am asked to make on a regular basis

16. Do something big for my parents as a thank you for, well, everything

17. Sunglasses that cost more than $15

18. To never be considered a person with “baggage.”

19. For my driver’s license weight to not be a lie

20. To see Sutton Foster on Broadway

21. To floss regularly. (What? It’s hard.)

22. To get married to the lurv of my life

23. Have a teeny wedding. One that requires very little time and money.

24. Have babies

25. To not name those babies after inanimate objects or timely celebrities

26. And to stay home with those normal, classically named babies for as long as I can

27. Tons of kitchen counter space

28. To write a book

29. To go to cooking school

30. A king sized bed

31. An apartment with a bedroom large enough to house a king sized bed

32. To not work in a cubicle

33. To attend a taping of the Actors Studio

34. For the Actors Studio to actually come on regularly. I still haven’t seen Meryl’s and it makes me le sad.

35. To own a house and decorate it myself. If “60s, minimalist kitsch” is a style, I think that’s what I want.

36. For Sister to do the house hunting and closing for me

37. For Sister and I to live in the same town

38. And for our future husbands and babies to be best friends

39. To hike

40. And kayak

41. To just suck it up and wear heels

42. To own all seasons of Little Britain

43. For Mad Men to surprise me and come back this summer

44. To buy organic and locally

45. To make enough money so that buying organic and locally isn’t a big deal

46. To never think of myself as “too good” for Big Lots, Dollar General and Ross

47. Wash clothes regularly so that I can never have a literal mound of dirty laundry in my closet

48. A Hobo clutch (If I hadn’t bought all the knock-offs and throw away wallets, I could’ve paid for one by now)

49. A Roku box

50. To never refer to my life as a “journey”

51. A Joan Holloway gold pen necklace

52. To see Coconut Records, Josh Ritter and Mumford & Sons in concert. A Mellow-Palooza

53. For mock turtlenecks to never come back in style

54. Ok, I want to run a marathon, too

55. To become an expert at something. Anything, really

56. For my DVR to magically record only the Law and Orders with Sam Waterson, Jerry Orbach, Angie Harmon, J.K. Simmons and the chick M.E.

57. An Office-themed Christmas tree

58. Real diamond stud earrings

59. To cook for my future family more often than not

60. About 80% of the Urban Outfitters apartment section

61. For Nicholas Sparks to give up writing and take up with the Hell’s Angels

62. For Styrofoam cups, Diet Dr. Pepper and teeny-tiny, Sonic-like ice to come standard in all restaurants

63. Go camping. If only to consume smores in their natural habitat

64. Send a secret to Postsecret

65. Memorize a poem to pull out of a hat at a moment’s notice. I’m torn by choosing something by Keats or a dirty limerick

66. For all of my friends to own a copy of Me Talk Pretty One Day

67. Learn to tie a tie. Because someday I will have a husband with ties I’d like to, well, tie

68. Make a killer dirty martini

69. Run at a speed not also shared by power walkers

70. To never wear Alfred Dunner

71. For Katherine Heigel and The Rock to stop making movies

72. To meet and become friends with Tom and Lorenzo. And for them to call me their dearest unborn fawn

73. Oh, the same thing with the Cake Wrecks/EPBOT girl. She doesn’t need to refer to me as her unborn fawn though

74. For my kids to not have cell phones until their teens

75. A golden retriever, and a big back yard for him to run in

76. To see every Best Picture winner from the past 50 years

77. Host a Pulp Fiction-themed costume party

78. Travel to Spain and spend a week devoted to the Prado

79. Establish a Jeff Bridges Ultimate Compilation section in my little DVD collection, including Big Lebowski, Crazy Heart, True Grit, Last Picture Show and, yes I can’t forget, The Mirror Has Two Faces

80. While I’m at it, go ahead and merge that with a Coen Brothers Collection, too

81. Figure out what Steampunk is and why they get to have such cool flotsam and jetsam

82. To become a person that digs podcasts

83. For Hangover 2 not to be an epic failure, but a hilarious reimagination of the original

84. To be somebody's darling

85. For the Academy to nix the whole “10 Best Picture” nominee thing

86. One of those on-the-go cereal bowls

87. For Kate Winslett to just stop. If I see her nipples one more time, I’m giving up on cinema.

88. A proposal story that doesn’t make me want to gag

89. To still have the same kick-ass group of friends 20 years from now

90. For American Apparel to stop assaulting my eyes every time I visit TFLN

91. For fedoras to come back in style

92. To continue my Project Runway snarkery with gusto and reverence

93. Find a charity I really care about and become an involved patron

94. Take an epic roadtrip across the US

95. Develop an arsenal of karaoke songs in secret for those just in case situations

96. A really good pair of running shoes

97. To become a master of small talk

98. To age as closely to Helen Mirren as possible

99. To visit chain restaurants as infrequently as possible

100. For finger sandwiches, mixed nuts and “Butterfly Kisses” to come nowhere near my wedding

101. To be happy. Whether or not any of these things actually happen.

(But come on; it'd be pretty awesome if they did, right?)


Ana said...

What's great about this list is that you're in control of a lot of it. Others? Not so much, but a girl can dream.

Can I add pellet ice to #62? You know, the crunchy, almost-makes-soda-a-snow-cone ice? That would be perfect.

Mellie said...

I do love that with enough time, effort and money I could knock out at least half of my list :)

And you are so right about #62. It is henceforth amended!

Abby said...

Oh this is fun...
#52 - I better be invited.
#57 - Only if a Dwight bobblehead is the tree topper and the tree is adorned with a string of beets.
#61 - Yes, PUH-LEASE!!!! Amen sister friend!
#71 - The only exception is "My Father the Hero"... did you ever see it?
#74 - Amen! Late teens... my child will hate me.
#87 - Totally made me spit out my diet coke.

And, can I add #102? "Never ever ever change from the wonderfully entertaining and witty friend I dearly love!" (sorry pregnancy makes me sappy)

Mellie said...

1. Um, well yeah!
2. I wouldn't have it any other way. I also must learn to fold paper doves to use as garland
3.Hahaha I knew we were friends for a reason :)
4. Oh m'gah yes. But I have a feeling Gerard Depardieu can fix anything. He even made Last Holiday tolerable.
5. Winner. I already approve of how you're going to raise lil Soybean
6. Yes! Then I have done my job
And 7. Awwweee. You make me blog blush :) Lurv you!!

Katie said...

I love your list!! I'm totally doing #12 with you. Next year maybe? Maybe #20 will happen along with it. And I really really want #36, 37, and 38 to happen too!!! #70 made me laugh out loud. :-) I LURV YOU!!

Mellie said...

Um. You better be with me for 12 and 20. They just wouldn't feel right without Sister! Who can we put in a request with to get 36-38 rolling? And as for Dunner...Well, we all know how I feel about that.

LURV you too!!

T. Nance said...

Re: #7 - How dare you!

Re: #15 - Duh, Chicken dip!

Re: #53 - Co-sign.

Re: #65 - Go with a dirty limerick.

Re: #71 - What kind of "movies" does Katherine Heigel have to stop making?

Re: #82 - It's well worth it (the fun of radio and the convenience of DVR).

Re: #87 - Co-sign.

Re: #89 - You can count on me, at least...